Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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