Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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