I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
