I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
