ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
