I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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