Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
