now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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