Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
