Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
