just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
