if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
