I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
