Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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