Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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