well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
