she woke up with a sticky ear
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize