Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
