Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
