I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did I show you my penis last night?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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