Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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