do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
