There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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