the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
