Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
