and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
