I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
