I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
