He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
