I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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