That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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