So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
