from now on my penis is your penis
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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