I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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