Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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