i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
