YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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