Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
