Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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