You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
