We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
