I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
