Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
