i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
