I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize