i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
