mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
