i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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