He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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