her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
