remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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