Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
