i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
