...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
