A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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