she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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