i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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