i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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