we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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