Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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