Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
