I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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