Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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