Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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