You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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